Titletown, Shmitletown


By now you’ve seen it. You tune into SportsCenter hoping for a recap of the night’s games and news, but instead you see Wendi Nix sitting on a makeshift set next to someone you can only assume is a former athlete. They proceed to discuss for 15 minutes why whatever city they happen to be in is going to take the crown of TITLETOWN, USA.

I guess the goal is to hit every city in America so that everybody at one time can say, ‘Oh Man! I can’t believe they’re in my city!’

I still don’t see how Williamsport, Pa. and Valdosta, Georgia are supposed to compete with Detroit, Los Angeles, and Chicago, but I guess it’s this year’s ESPN summer gimmick, and far be it for me to deny them (my personal favorite was Beg, Borrow, and Deal). Plus they cap the amount of Brett Favre coverage at 35 minutes, so what else are they gonna fill time with, baseball?  Please.

By the way, let’s just clear the air, everyone knows New York is going to win. Yankee Fan and Mets Fan LIVE for this kind of contest. They’ll call in and vote and make sure Derek Jeter is elected Mayor of TITLETOWN.

“Yo, Vinny, you see they got us up against the Little Leaguers for TITLETOWN? Fughedaboudit!”

Since New York is gonna run away with it, I figured I’d give some other MLB cities some honorary Titles, just to make them feel better.

Atlanta: Nineties Town, USA

Baltimore: Jeffrey Maier Town, USA

Pittsburgh: Rebuilding Town, USA

Milwaukee: Dollar Beer Town, USA

Tampa Bay: Empty Stadium Town, USA

Oakland: Mediocre Town, USA

Toronto: Content With Two Town…..C……A? (Mitch ‘Wild Thing’ Williams honorary Mayor)

San Francisco: Denial Town, USA

St. Louis: Boring Town, USA

Houston: How Long Til High School Football Town, USA

Seattle: Remember When We Beat The Yankees Town, USA

Boston: Still Not New York Town, USA


Hopefully those cities can take some consolation in these newly appointed titles, and the fact that New York could also be named, No Titles Since 2001 Town, USA.

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  • Colin Ward-Henninger

    Yes, I realize that, but the list was about baseball cities, so they New York title applies to baseball only. Sorry for the confusion.

  • A Scout

    FYI – the NY Giants won the Super Bowl in 2008, so technically NYC has hada title since 2001. I realize they play in Jersey, but I figure as an upstanding and blossoming young journalist with loads of integrity, you might want to make the correction.