As of the time of this post, the fine nation of Canada had won 0 medals. Yup, that’s right, not one of the 33 million Canadian citizens can say that they have a medal at the 2008 Olympic Games. You, sitting on your couch yelling at American gymnasts for falling off a balance beam the width of your remote control, have just as many medals as any Canadian athlete.
Just for comparison’s sake, let’s take a look at some of 50 powerhouse nations that have managed to justify the 4 years of training, millions of dollars worth of travel, and countless amounts of commercials by actually winning a medal:
- Togo (I guess they’re not just a sandwich shop anymore)
- Georgia (actually a country, not the Peach State)
and my personal favorite…
- The Stan Brothers: Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, and of course the home of Borat, Kazakhstan.
It’s not like Canada is perenially in the poor house when it comes to the Olympics. In Athens in 2004, the Canucks took home 12 medals, including 3 golds! I don’t know what happened between now and then, but it seems like they never thawed out from the winter.
Hey, if your country is gonna spend its hard-earned Loonies and Toonies to get you here, you might as well compete, right? Here are some possible reasons for why they haven’t been able to break through with that first medal:
- Too much poutine.
- Still hung over from too many Molson Canadians on Canada Day.
- They are disqualified because they bring their hockey sticks to every competition.
Instead of a swimming pool, the Canadian swim team practiced in a vat of maple syrup.
All the real Canadian athletes stayed behind to become Royal Canadian Mounties.