When The Going Gets Tough….Just Quit

Just ignore that never ever ever part
Just ignore that never ever ever part

 

 

I really don’t see what everyone is so upset about. Jericho Scott, a 9-year-old pitcher with a 40-mph Nolan Ryan fastball was banned from pitching in his Pee Wee League in New Haven (it figures that the week I leave lowly New Haven for the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, something like this happens).

The team tried to ignore the rule and pitch young Jericho (who, ironically, suffered the same fate as his CBS namesake), but when the opposing team saw the intimidating 50-pounder on the mound they packed up their gear, left their Capri Suns and Ding Dongs in the cooler, and returned home in time to catch the second half of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.

Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with this move. If anything, Jericho and his parents should be flattered and honored by this gesture of submission by his peers. Professional athletes always talking about wanting to ‘go out on top.’ Well I can’t think of anything better than having the entire league refuse to play against you because you’re too good.

Could you imagine this conversation going on in the Phillies dugout before a game with the Mets:

“So, they got Santana going tonight. You think we should go with Feliz or Dobbs?”

“Wait, I got a better idea. Let’s just quit.”

“Oh yeah, why didn’t I think of that?”

Johan would be out of the league in no time. Despite the best efforts of his mother.

 

Jericho can now retire as the best 9-year-old in the history of the game. So good that his competitors would rather quit than suffer the embarrassment of striking out. Sounds like a good deal to me. I mean what are the odds that he would grow up to pitch in the Major Leagues? About the same as Danny Almonte starting next year’s All-Star Game.

Word on the street is that Jericho has other talents, however. Just this last week alone, these incidents occured at his high school:

  1. Jericho continually found his classmates’ hiding places during ‘Hide and Seek.’ After the second game, they simply refused to hide. When he finished counting to ten and uncovered his eyes, he found 9-year-olds lined up single-file like lambs to the slaughter.
  2. After running down several of his classmates after being tagged in ‘Duck, Duck, Goose,’ Jericho remained a Duck for the next six games. When one of his competitors accidentally called him ‘Goose’ and tapped his head, he simply fell to the ground in the fetal position and let Jericho tag him on the head.
  3. Jericho’s classmates refused to play MASH with him after he won the Mansion, Ferrari, Jessica Alba, and Pet Monkey that Poops Million Dollar Bills.

 

The New Haven community has certainly set a new precedent for youth activity. If someone is much better than you at something, don’t try to test yourself against the best and take pride in the fact that you tried your best. Just complain until somebody removes him from the playing field. Then you can make things fair by taking your hacks against the kid with the inhaler and the Rec Specs.

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  • Ev Wonder

    This Jericho kid will have no arm by the time he’s sixteen. Since he won’t be able to participate in organized sports, he will quickly turn to a life of crime.
    It will begin with throwing full soda cans at pidgeons. Then he will start skipping stones into geese. His insatiable thurst for blood will take hold and he will start hanging with the wrong crowd. One day, they will challenge him to throw a bowling ball through a parked car window just like in “Dazed and Confused.” At this point he will tear his rotator cuff and immediately become addicted to pain killers.
    This young man’s baseball league has, in affect, contributed to the demise of Western Society.

  • http://dasparks.wordpress.com Jesse

    Haha, very nicely said. I especially liked the account of the other incidents which are occurring with Jericho.

    There are always going to be kids that excel at sports more than others. We always hear the stories of the superstars like Tiger Woods and other who always creamed the competition at their sports when they were young. Sounds like we have some prideful parents who don’t want their kids to ever lose.