In the aftermath of the Bernie Madoff scandal, the New York Mets are looking into a partial sale of the team. The Mets are being sued for supposedly making close to $50 million dollars through Madoff’s Ponzi scheme, and owners Fred and Jeff Wilpon are looking to sell some of the team to “address the air of uncertainty created by this lawsuit.”
This begs the question, who should buy the Mets?
I’ve come up with a preliminary list of buyers, all of which would invigorate a team that has fallen on some hard times.
Born in Staten Island, raised in Jersey, the Situation has won the hearts and abs of every Guido and Guidette in the tri-state area. Promotional gimmicks abound with the Sitch: a trivia quiz where the winner gets free GTL for life, a spray tanning station inside Citi Field, or even free grenade whistles for the first 20,000 fans.
What do you get the man who has everything? How about the New York Mets? What greater way to conquer the New York market than by attaching New York’s chosen athlete to your franchise? I know, players aren’t allowed to be owners, but I’m pretty sure Bud Selig won’t be able to resist those dreamy brown eyes. The rule will be changed 10 minutes into the meeting. At least this way Mets fans can stop pretending that they hate Derek Jeter and join in on the “Oh! Jeetah!” grunts.
Talk about revenge. Reggie has long been searching for a way to get back at the New York Knicks. What better way than to buy into the Mets and watch them ascend to New York’s second favorite team (nobody’s beating the Yankees, I’m sorry). Reggie’s gained quite a reputation as a commentator, so he could even do some color commentary during Mets games. Oh yeah, and Spike Lee would be banned from the stadium.
The former Who’s the Boss? star has a well-documented penchant for baseball players, particularly pitchers. She has dated Carl Pavano (she must like the ‘stache), Barry Zito, and Brad Penny. No connection has been proven as of yet, but each pitcher went into the tank after the relationship started. As owner, Milano would have free reign in the locker rooms and be able to invite players over for “negotiations” whenever she would like. Not sure if the Wilpons would approve, but Kaz Matsui is certainly on board.
Those are just a few suggestions on how the Mets might increase interest in their team with their new owner(s). Hopefully they take one of these suggestions instead of some rich tycoon.
Any more ideas should be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org or left in the comments field. Thanks.